ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
