Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
