I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
