Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
