oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
