Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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