porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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