Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it hurts more in the daytime
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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