Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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