My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk is a universal language darling
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
