she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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