I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize