so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
