First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
