Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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