Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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