I'm so fucking centered right now
i just google imaged poop.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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