i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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