the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
