you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
