He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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