that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
