Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
