Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
