Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish I could punch you in the face.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize