champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
