i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
