I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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