whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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