i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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