I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
