i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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