He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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