This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
