This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
