pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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