Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
