woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
