NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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