you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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