I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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