It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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