tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
