I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
