I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He better not be in your backpack
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
