Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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