we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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