Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
