the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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