Having a random hookup so left but love u
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
