um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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