Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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