1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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