He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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