I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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