Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
